.....A life spattered with failure
For reasons which could be explained in many ways, none of which I would like to explore, I have been asked to report on my own talk last week. I had been waiting for the email summoning me to the Rotary Headmaster’s Office with the line ‘Rotary expects better than this’. However, I have looked at all the critical reviews I have received so far and ‘…a slightly eccentric ramble…’ seems to be the worst of them. Perhaps I will not be summoned after all.
Bank Robber!
Julian thinks he is Father Christmas!
At the beginning of my talk I presented a series of statements, some of which were true, some slightly true and some just a blatant lie. By the end of the talk I had confirmed some of the statements and denied one or two. But the whole truth is still out there. This is the list:
• I robbed a bank in broad daylight
• I have taken on armed assailants more than once
• After a car accident, I tracked a drunk driver through native English ‘bush’
• I once dated the daughter of the Marquis and Marchioness of Anglesey
• I was thrown out of a supermarket and told I was banned for life
• I have been a bridesmaid
• I was chairman of unions which represented 1500 employees
• I have been arrested many times
• I carried out an official parade inspection of 200 armed marines
• I have umpired a cricket match at Lord’s – the home of cricket
• I hitched a lift in a car with a very drunk driver
• I tried to hit an airline employee but was held back by a colleague
• I am a direct descendant of King Canute
• I was licensed to drive a 40-tonne truck for many years
• I shared a day and my lunch with David Attenborough
• I went to a grammar school for girls
Originally, I had decided to base the presentation on all of my failures, but there was insufficient time for most of them. Instead, I outlined my upbringing in a small village near Durham, my university escapades, my early career in conservation and finally, after arriving in New Zealand 20 years ago, my attempts at being an editor and publisher.
I summarised my life so far as being ‘not bad’ or ‘could do better if tried harder’ which is what many of my teachers wrote about me. You now know if they were right, or not.
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Julian Bateson
Speaker and stand-in reporter
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